Carpe inDenim

(Fish in Pants)



So I had a long night and a day to recover but I’m back and awake. It was worth it. I’ve learnt a lot. Guys are rude, drunk pigs who think girls are solely there for their entertainment. Girls are idiots when it comes to relationships. It is possible for a heterosexual male to step into the realm of gay friend. A rabit hole indeed. . .

During my late night, the plan was to go out, chat, have a drink (Virgin Cuba Libre for me, thank you.) and shoot some pool. The following was used(1). A pool cue ( Fibre glass, two piece, black gloss finish, sturdy tip, black leather carry case. full price R100) a glass of coke ( Ice, tall glass, can o coke.AKA Virgin Cuba Libre) and me(2). Since I some might have stopped to wonder where I got a cue for R100 and some of you might have stopped to google “cuba libre” I feel I need to point out that I was used ( See 1 and 2). Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind being used. I had a good time being used. Just note that the entire night didn’t go as I planned. Here was scenario played out in my head before. Walk in, get a drink and pool table. Witty conversation. Simple.

Now here is what happened. Walk in, no pool table available. Grab a seat. Lady friend meets another lady friend. They start chatting . I sit. o_O

Did I mention that I was with a lady friend. She’s smart and pretty and funny and not my girlfriend. Which prompted the first nearest beer powered guy to make his way over to me. Like” Dude. I don’t want to offend you. But your chick is hot!” o_o So I say “She’s not my girlfriend.” To which this highly intellectual creature responds: “ Would you mind then if I gave her a hug?” . 0_o

Four guys! Four guys came up to me and either told me how pretty she was or wanted my blessing for them flirting with her. This confuses me on two accounts. The first being the fact that bar dwellers of their calibre are supposed to confident enough to speak to pro porn stars but they can’t approach a decent attractive girl? And the second being the fact that I am a skinny, built like a sturdy sapling, yay foot nothing high person. It’s not like they need my permission or I’ll sort them out... (That being said they are lucky they didn’t try anything funny or they would have gotten an ass kicking.)

One bloke that was at least a head taller tried the following. He (Insert correct term for a drunk walk here) up to us and started talking to me. Once again asked if one of the pretty ladies were my GF. Slightly amused at my answer (no doubt sensing opportunity) asked me if I were gay. I have often found the lack of a sarcasm font quite annoying. Of course that made my night...

I only realised that I topped off my homosexual bodyguard routine by giving relationship advice to a pretty girl. “ You meet a guy and realise he is a cocky asshole. Why can’t I meet a nice intelligent handsome guy? What’s wrong with me.” she said. At this stage I’m looking at my hands to see if invisibility affects shadows.

0_0

(I am abusing the eyes right now. Sorry!)

V for ....LurVe

Yes. It’s that time again folks. Gather round and stand together. It’s almost Valentine’s day. Because it is tradition for me to break tradition and traditionally I am anti-V, this year I shall be Pro-V. Sounds like a Verimark product. “But wait! Call now to order your Pro-V and you’ll get two coupons of guiltless no strings attached se...chocolates. “
Oooh. The Chocolates! I have received a handful of the bestest chocolates and nom noms. All the way from distant lands. Liquorice that burns the mouth, marzipan that melts away and makes you wonder if it was ever there, liquor filled dark chocolate that takes your breath away.
Okay the above paragraph is probably why I’ll be sitting alone in the corner this V-day. But as much as do enjoy the company of beautiful, intellectual women, I think I am going to focus my energy in a different direction this year. To my studies! Had to state that before some of my friends go “ I knew it !” Let me stipulate. I am not gay, nor lost in the closet nor doubting my heterosexuality. I just lurve chocolate.
So I might look to play cupid this year. Anyone in need of a wing man? I’ll be patiently sitting on the bench. Because contrary to popular advice I don’t need to be in love right now. I don’t need a woman in my life. Perhaps it could help if they are sympathetic and understanding to what I am currently going through and willing to stand by me then article will be reconsidered but I wouldn’t want anyone to go through the trouble. Till then I’ll be that guy in the corner. Sitting and staring at all the wonderfully in love people dancing on the dance floor. PS. Im not the guy stealing the chocolate off your table while you are dancing on the dance floor. Nooooo !